Validation — The Creative’s Struggle

validation

Why do many creatives look to others for their validation? It’s not uncommon to hear photographers asking for validation from their fellow photographers, family, friends, sometimes even clients, to ask for their litmus line opinion of whether their work is satisfactory or not.

If the response is positive, elation builds and he/she feels like conquering the world.

If it is negative, discouragement settles in and the thought of never pursuing photography again becomes very tempting.

I know from personal experience, because for a long time, I didn’t want to pursue photography. I reasoned, “What if I am like one of those wannabe contestants on American Idol who only believe that they can sing well, but are truly horrible?”

I found myself constantly asking for validation from everyone I came in contact with. If someone complimented my work, I would say, “Really? Are you sure?” When I first started, I wasn’t secure in myself and I desperately longed to believe that I could be good enough–that I was good enough, but my insecurities prevented me from having such an unshakable, placid confidence.

With photography and any art form, there is always room for growth! 

When I first started my pursuit of photography, I had a lot to learn…A LOT. I hadn’t had formal schooling (unless you count the 3 college classes I took–one of which I failed….funny, because the teacher who failed me is now a fan of my work!), was just entering into this new craft and really didn’t have any idea what I was doing technically.

I felt so uncomfortable with not having any practice or knowledge base and resolved that I either needed to quit photography (because, I surmised, I wasn’t up to par with other photographers) or I had to do something opposite in it’s place.

I chose the latter.

I gave myself grace for the journey.

I thought about how unstable a baby looks when learning to walk for the first time. She pulls her Pamper-clad bottom off the floor and takes a few shaky steps forward before falling back down again.

Yet a baby doesn’t give up. She gets up and keeps going.

I decided that I needed to keep going too, even though I felt very inferior to the skill levels others were at as photographers.

I stopped looking at how other people were doing and started competing against myself. After each photo session I would ask,”Is this the best that I could have done?” If it wasn’t, I tried to dissect what I was doing wrong so I could correct it for next time. If I did do my best, I celebrated and tried to use those techniques in my next session.

I learned that there are always going to be people who are not as skilled as I am and likewise, there are always those that are way more skilled than I am.

Yet, my validation–your validation–doesn’t materialize or disappear when you measure yourself against where others are at in their journies. It comes when you measure yourself against yourself and where you are in your journey.

Instead of asking if you are “good enough” when compared with others, why not ask if you are doing “your best” when it comes to yourself? That is the real test.

The becoming a business and becoming a professional will attract itself to you as you grow and it will take flight on its own.

You won’t have to make it happen. It just will.

Rather than focusing on the outcome and constantly wondering if you are “there” yet, focus on becoming the best that you can be so that it will be attracted to you and it will eventually come.

It will be a by-product rather than the means to an end.

Give yourself time to transform from point A to point B, point C, etc….if you stick with it long enough, you’ll find yourself on point Z like you see other photographers you admire. You’ll no longer look for validation from exterior sources because the validation will come from within.

Give yourself grace for the journey.

Here’s a peek at when I first picked up a digital camera in 2003 and now in 2015. It’s quite a difference because I learned a lot in the process and grew. If I had rated myself against other photographers back when I started, I would have been discouraged and given up because I still had so very much to learn.

Give yourself grace for the journey and push yourself to grow.

“Keep dreaming, keep learning keep growing….and one day you’ll find yourself living your dream.” –Beba

before and after photo

There’s More to Life Than Me

Over the last 6 years, I’ve been learning that there is more to life than me. Life is not about what I want, but what God wants. As I’ve surrendered my dreams into God’s hands, I’ve found that God has taken my dreams from me….but instead of just throwing my dreams aside and leaving me empty-handed, He has taken what I have given to Him and He has molded those dreams into something new and even more wonderful.

“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” –John 12:24

When I first moved here to Arizona, I didn’t know what God was leading me to. I had no idea. Similar to Abraham, I heard God’s call on my heart and even though I wrestled with it at first, I heeded to His call and came.

Since I first felt that call 6 years ago, I have seen a pattern of how God has called me over and over again to surrender my dreams to Him and let them die in His hands.

I didn’t like this idea at first. But then I started to think about it more and realized, that if He were to allow those dreams to die there, He legitimately could.

He is God.

I am not.

But, being the loving Father that He is, He never seems to let what we surrender to Him stay dead.

He is the God who raised both Lazarus and Jesus from the dead.

Why would He not raise to life the dreams I willingly broke and gave to Him?

Jeremiah 29:11 has been a Bible verse I have held onto since I first became a Christian as a teenager and with good reason:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I truly believe that whenever we give God something in sacrifice that He either returns it with a blessing or returns it with something even better in its place.

He exchanges the plastic beads with pearls.

The rhinestones with diamonds.

The valueless for value.

When God called me to leave behind my job, my family and friends in California to move to Arizona, I thought He was crazy for suggesting the idea. But through the years, I have learned to surrender my dreams to Him and as I have, I’ve seen Him bless me in more ways than I could have ever thought possible.

God took my original vision of working for Disney for the rest of my life and transformed it into something He wanted to do to impact people in a different and direct way. He took me from employee to employer. He took me from not passing at school to being a straight A student. He gave me the ability to do things that could not have been possible if He had not given me the power to. He gave me the courage and the opportunity to travel and reach outside my safe little circle.

He began to form a dream in me that was bigger than myself.

A dream that reached outside of my own little world and that was instead focused on serving other people.

There is such freedom in that.

I’ve learned…..it’s not about me.

It’s about Him and it’s about others.

Life is kind of like a piece of popcorn–we’re called to live inside, out.

Beba Couture …. Fairytale Princess Magic in AZ!

Beba Couture (1 of 1) with logo2

For years, I have been surrounded by all things girly and princess.

When I was a little girl, I was always playing princess or my Barbie dolls were always being dressed in one kind of royal frock or another.

When I became a teenager, I could not get enough of the “royal” costumes I saw on the theater stage and felt a longing to be an actress–not so much to act, but so I could dress in the beautiful gowns I was seeing waltz across the stage.

I also went through a period of that time in life where I became quite convinced that I must be royalty when I discovered that some of my 6th great grandparents were kings and queens and would spend hours drawing out outfits that I deemed worthy of royalty.

Fast forward a few years to when I was a young adult and I was surrounded, yet, again, by princesses, but this time at Disneyland, the Happiest Place on Earth where I used to work as a Cast Member. It was there, when I was working at the Park, that the vision for Beba Couture was born and begin growing as a dream inside of me.

There was a day that I was hosting Cinderella in front of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle and remember seeing that there was a little girl standing there waiting to see her favorite princess, which should have been a call for joy. But instead, her face was downcast and her hands were sadly crossed in front of her. I knelt down so I was face to face with her and asked her why she was looking so sad. Her little friends were standing nearby dressed as their favorite Disney princess and she was dressed in the typical tourist fare — shorts and a t-shirt.

I can’t be a princess, because I don’t have a dress like those girls do.”

My heart felt like it broke into two when that little girl said what she did!

No girl should feel that way.

I looked into her sad little eyes and reminded her that before Cinderella ever became a princess at the palace and before she got her beautiful dress, that she was already a princess inside her heart and that that is what made her a princess.

She smiled and you could tell that her mood had lifted some and was just as happy to meet Cinderella as the other little girls were. They went off on their merry way, enjoying the rest of the theme park, but that moment touched something on the inside of me and stayed with me. It never went away.

I started to think about how the media speaks a strong message to girls and women of all ages that they have to look a certain way in order to feel a certain way.

That is when an idea started to form. Because of that encounter, I wanted girls to know how beautiful, special and unique they are to God and that He has a purpose for their lives.

I wanted to evoke beauty from the inside, out and capture it with my camera.

Beba Couture (1 of 1)-9 with logo

How could I help them to SEE themselves this way?

When this idea first came to mind, I went out and started to purchase Disney princess dresses, but I felt very strongly in my heart that God was telling me NO.

“Hmmm….what am I supposed to do for dresses, then, God?”

I felt like He was saying for me to create something special for these girls and to not make them tied to Disney at all, because He wanted me to honor HIM through it. But, what was I supposed to do? I had never sewed on a sewing machine before (except once when I was younger. I tried to make a coverlet for my Barbie’s bed and after 1 try, it was horrible and I never touched a machine after that).

I prayed about it.

And I prayed.

I asked God to give me the ability to sew and shared my heart with Him, how I felt like He was putting this vision on my heart to help encourage girls. What happened next, blew me out of the water as far as expectations go! I wasn’t ready for what was about to happen!

Beba Couture (1 of 1)-3 with logo

I had never sewn before, but suddenly, I could sew and make beautiful gowns like in the photos above! (The green dress was my very first anything ever made (with the exception of my failed attempt at making a Barbie bed cover when I was younger)! I sat there and awe and thought,

“I made this….God, I made this…YOU gave me the ability to make this!”

It was in that moment, that I knew that I was doing what God had been calling me to do! That my purpose was to help others to see themselves as God sees them:

Unique

Special

Purposefully created by a loving God.

Seriously, how does that happen unless it’s by the hand of God? He blesses His children with the desires of their heart and I am so grateful that He has blessed mine. I felt like there was an anointing on what He was calling me to do.

It’s not the gown that makes the princess….it’s the heart….and when a girl can SEE that beauty that has been placed inside of her, a sort of magic overtakes her and she lights up the world:

realizing that HER beauty is HIS beauty. 

It’s beauty, from the inside, out.

Beba Couture (1 of 1)-2 with logo posts Beba Couture (1 of 1)-8 with logo Beba Couture (1 of 1)-11 with logo Beba Couture (1 of 1)-12 with logo Beba Couture (1 of 1)-16 with logo Beba Couture (1 of 1)-18 with logo Beba Couture (1 of 1)-19 with logo Beba Couture (1 of 2) with logo book with logo snow with logo

Beba Couture (1 of 1)-13 with logo

It’s HER story in HIStory.

If you have a little girl here and would like me to capture her for the beautiful princess that you already know her to be, I would love to talk with you! I photograph primarily in the Phoenix metropolitan areas, but photograph out of state as well and am willing to travel.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Alicia : alicia@BebaPhotography.com / 480.399.3030